growth and decay

 

Growth and death are intertwined in the jungle, and that is a teaching you will not hear from coaches promising to take you ever upwards. Failure to understand it results in anxiety or even panic attacks as the one we can see globally when humanity is forced to slow down or even take steps backwards, in other words, come to terms with loss, or “defeat”. You can’t be always winning.

We have no strong marketing here for our project, as convincing people for something they are not ready for would be unethical, especially in context of medicine. So this allows us to live in a way like hunter/gatherers, meaning no guest is taken for granted, and joy of bookings is always mixed with acceptance of cancellations, frequent in these volatile times. We had many months without any work, and we only watched the houses decay, jungle creeping in, even wild animals trying to take space abandoned temporarily by human beings. That was this powerful lesson of retreat within retreat, of surrender to fate beyond our control.

These lessons may sound cliche now, more than a year into pandemic, but I think they have to be again and again lived, we need constant reminders that world is not set in stone ( well you only need to go to Machu Picchu or Chernobyl to see that it is a poor metaphor ), that we are not eternal, and that is OK. So the confidence and faith may not just be based on fact that we try to exercise, eat well, or make our immune systems strong by constant exposure to challenges, rather than isolation. This is limited, because it implies that we will defeat something that ultimately can not be defeated, nor should be. Our faith should include awareness of death and failure, only this way we can truly live and enjoy this precious human experience.

The same way jungle has right to claim this space after a house that was invaded by humidity, fungus, termites long enough finally had to give way, we will have to acknowledge that world, be it in form of virus, parasites, or any other threat we may imagine, has right to claim us.  This is teaching of medicine in regards to main malady of human soul, that I perceive to be various manifestations and forms of greed. Letting go is opposite of it, and it is equally letting go of another assignment in exchange of some more time with your family, letting go of another achievement, with acceptance of being less important, more of Rumi’s nobody, and wanting less of the world, whether in space ( my land, my kingdom, my influence ) or time ( my life against anyone’s else ).

This is a destination, ideal, our egoes make sure we stay far from it, and I am aware that we are condemned forever dance between extremities, but being aware can stop that dance from turning into a fall into abyss of unfulfillment and despair that unchecked ego wants to drive us in.

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